Be Your Own Windkeeper: Managing OCD in College

Madeline Flynn worried that OCD would ruin her college experience, but when she got there she realized she was stronger than she thought.

Key Takeaways:
  • Madeline Flynn was diagnosed with OCD when she was seven years old.
  • Prior to entering college, a major concern of hers was not being able to see her therapist as regularly, and that her progress would be lost.
  • Madeline reminds fellow sufferers that despite the second guessing OCD causes, that they are not alone, not weak, and that OCD is not in control.

Being a college student with OCD doesn’t make me any less of a college student. Yes, it may make some aspects of college life harder for me than for others, but it doesn’t feel different to me because I’ve been living with OCD since I was seven years old. My biggest concern when I went away to college was about my meetings with my therapist—I’d been seeing her every few weeks, and now I’d only be able to see her every few months. We said we would Facetime and we would text and I could call whenever I needed, but I knew it wouldn’t be the same. She was a constant in my life, and even though I’d come to need the meetings less than I did when I was younger, it was still a comfort to see her and talk to her about things I knew she would understand.

I was afraid that at college I would feel alone and would have no one who would understand me like she did. Yes, friends and family are understanding, but very few people truly get what it is like to live with OCD. This is no one’s fault—it is simply a fact that can sometimes make people suffering from a mental illness feel alone, even though many people have OCD and other mental disorders. I was afraid that without the ability to meet my therapist in person on a regular basis, my OCD would regress to where it had been years earlier, and I would lose everything I’d gained—my ability to call out and recognize my OCD before it took hold of me.

But after I began my freshman year of college, I realized that it doesn’t work like that. OCD may tell you that it does—it may confirm and blow up your biggest fears and tell you that everything you worked for and all the times you wrestled with OCD would immediately go down the drain if there’s any change in your regular schedule and support. It may convince you that you are not strong enough to face OCD alone. I’m here to tell you that that is simply not true and OCD is never ever right.

First of all, you are strong enough. You have all the tools. I realized this once I got to college—I actually never had to call or Facetime my therapist—my years of hard work had prepared me for this next step in life. I am not saying that reaching out to a therapist (or friend) is a failure—of course it’s not—it’s a sign of growth and strength to recognize when you need help and to seek out that help. There have been times since where OCD has really taken hold and won’t let go, and at those times I’ve texted my therapist and she reminds me of what I’ve learned. I also share small successes with her because I know she will understand, where as some people may just not know what a true victory it is to me. Whether it be conquering the fear of using dining hall utensils or stopping myself from second-guessing or questioning things like new friendships.

Second of all, you are never truly alone. Never let OCD convince you that you are or take away your confidence. There is always someone to turn to, whether it’s your family, friends, or a therapist, and the true people in your life will support you. Don’t let OCD convince you that you’re alone. You’re not.

For you Friends lovers out there you, will appreciate this reference. For those who do not religiously re-watch Friends episodes, first of all I highly recommend it, and second of all, there is a scene in which they talk about a book called “Be Your Own Windkeeper.” Even though this book is not real, I think it perfectly describes what OCD tries to do. OCD tries to take your wind and deflate your confidence. The challenges of starting college are hard enough — making new friendships, summoning up the confidence to try a new thing literally every single day, adjusting to a new school, keeping up with classwork, etc.— without OCD taking every little worry and insecurity and making it the only thing you can think about.

Listen to yourself—not OCD. I know this is easier said than done, but OCD is simply never right. I also know that it may sometimes be hard to differentiate between which thoughts are your own and which are OCD’s. You need to remember all you’ve learned about conquering OCD, and never let it steal your wind.

Be your own windkeeper, and you will fly.