When Hurtful Words Threaten to Drown You in Your Own OCD
One woman recounts her struggle with intrusive thoughts after an interaction with a friend, and how she tackles the darkness of OCD when it takes over.
Key Takeaways:
- Even the smallest interactions can trigger an onslaught of awful anxieties and thoughts.
- There’s no shame in seeking professional help when you need it. Anxiety disorders are complicated and very real, and there's a reason why so many people trust in professional help when times get tough.
- Mindful and physical activities, such as listening to music, running, or painting, can be great coping mechanisms.
- As a religious person, Brittany finds a lot of comfort in prayer and reading the bible. It reminds her of her strength, and that anything can be conquered.
Living with Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder makes a person used to managing repetitive thoughts.
Did I lock the door?
Did I cook the meat enough to get rid of the E. Coli?
My paper was graded at eighty-nine percent instead of one hundred. Will this ruin my future job opportunities?
These kinds of thoughts are the norm for us. We live with them day in and day out, and we develop management techniques that make life livable. Balance is hard, but it’s doable.
But sometimes new repetitive thoughts hit us from out of the blue like a two by four that was hurled by a tornado.
I recently posted a comment on a friend’s social media page that I believed to be rather innocent. Apparently, however, it struck a chord, and instead of disagreeing with me on what I had said, she got personal and attacked my character.
And it hurt. Man, it hurt.
More than hurting my feelings, though, she threw my emotional equilibrium into a tailspin. The obsessive thoughts that I usually keep in their allotted spaces in my mind escaped like bucking broncos. Since the incident, my mind has been rehashing her words like a cow chews its cud.
It was worst the day after the incident. Just that morning when a friend texted me to ask me how I was doing (as she was aware of what had gone on), I texted her back and told her honestly that I was doing great. By afternoon, however, I realized in a panic that I was beginning to spiral down to a very dangerous place, a place that I don’t allow myself to go very often. This is what I wrote that afternoon:
It’s begun to drown me. I realized today as I was sitting and going through her words again that what I’m doing is dangerous. I keep trying to pull my mind out, but it feels like I’m in quicksand. The more I fight the thoughts, the more stuck I become. I’m questioning my entire way of life, and guilt is winning out.
But how do I get out? How do you fight the inky blackness of condemnation that your mind is intent on obsessing about? When it’s pure OCD, I know the words are simply jumbled pieces of my mind that shouldn’t be there, so it’s easier to toss them out. But when they’re someone else’s words, particularly someone who claimed to love me, it gets a lot harder.
The kicker is that I knew her cruel comments shouldn’t have been able to put me in that place. They shouldn’t have held so much power over me. And yet, they did.
By God’s grace, I was able to eventually leave that dark place and reflect upon the situation without so much emotion. The key was remembering that moving out of such a dark place takes time.
There never is a quick fix for these kinds of spirals. Our minds are “elastic,” all the experts say. But those of us who live with chronic anxiety know that we don’t snap back the way elastic does. The good news, however, is that with time, we can heal.
Here are eight of my personal tips for moving out of the dark place when cruel words threaten to harm your emotional and psychological well-being:
- Talk to someone you can trust: Go to someone directly who won’t gossip and who has trustworthy advice. If it’s more than you can handle, contact a professional. There’s no shame in seeking professional help when you need it. Remember that OCD and chronic anxiety thing we’re all here for? They’re complicated and very real, and there’s a reason why professionals have to go through a lot of schooling to get those nice initials next to their names.
- Avoid the dramatics: I know it’s tempting to go to someone directly and tell them off. It’s also sometimes really tempting to make a vague social media post. But no matter how tempting it is, the “You know who you are, and you’ve messed up my life but I’m not going to let you beat me,” nonsense on Facebook can make the situation even worse. If you feel the next to explain yourself to the person or confront them, do it privately…and preferably after you’ve had some time to cool off. We all say things we regret when we’re angry and hurt, and allowing our anger to carry us away in the moment can make the situation even worse afterward. Perhaps you need to remove yourself from that person. And that’s fine. Just don’t allow the anger to control your actions and words. Instead, take a breath go back to Tip #1.
- Reading the Psalms: I personally find a lot of relief in reading the psalms of the Bible. In them, I see how the psalmist experienced agony and pain…and how he moved on. The psalms remind me that others have moved on from such difficult times. And I will, too.
- Prayer: Praying to God is something I can do anytime anywhere. I don’t need to wait to see who’s done with work for the day or who’s answering the phone when I need a listening ear. Telling God exactly how I feel and knowing that the Master of the Universe hears me is a huge comfort. I can be a child again telling my Father how I’m hurt, and I’m reminded of just how much He loves me.
- Play encouraging music: Listening to music is an emotional experience, and it does amazing things to help me find equilibrium. I have a specific playlist on my computer that’s there for when I need encouragement. I also continue to add songs to the list as I find them, so that way I have immediate comfort ready for when I need it.
- Take a walk: Exercise is probably my favorite form of anxiety relief. I can push as hard as I want (usually while listening to music) and imagine myself pounding out my anger and frustration into whatever medium I’m using to exercise. Whether it’s dancing, biking, running, using weights, or kickboxing, exercise is an outlet that has been proven scientifically to create “happy” chemicals in our bodies without us having to take medication. And the relief it provides is instantaneous.
- Love on others: When I’m stuck in the black hole of anxiety, finding someone else who’s struggling as well can help pull me outside of myself. It helps me see that the world doesn’t revolve around me, and it forces me to put my mind to an activity that doesn’t revolve around my pain. This could be as simple as sending someone an encouragement card or buying someone a cup of coffee and dropping it off at her house or office.
- Time: As always, it’s imperative to remember that time is necessary to help heal the wounds that someone else has inflicted. It’s been weeks since that friend wrote that comment and then ignored the very personal message I wrote to her afterward telling her how she hurt me. And I’m still struggling with her words every day. But the good news is that I am healing. Every day the pain is a little bit less. Every day, her voice grows a little quieter. The healing hasn’t been immediate, but it’s continuing. And improvement is what we’re all looking for.
To read more from Brittany, head to her blog here, or follow her on Twitter at @BFichterwrites.